my parents always ask me, "are you okay? all you do is sleep now a days." im always tired now, but no matter how much i sleep, it doesnt help. im tired of fighting with you everyday, im tired of caring for you; even though i mean nothing to you. im sick and tired of everything. i want to go back to the days when i actually believed "forever" meant forever. and it wasnt just some bullshit lie. i want to be happy again, and i dont see me being happy with you anymore. honestly, i am done with you. im not saying i dont have feelings for you anymore; cause i do; more than anyone knows. i just cant wait for the day when i look at you, and feel absoluetly nothing anymore. but i dont see that day coming any time soon.
never take anyone for granted, and always tell the person you love that you love them. you don't get another chance. if you love someone, tell them; or else you WILL regret it. i have lost two of my really good friends from suicide this past two years. &i miss them more and more each day. i loved both of them so much, they were like my brothers. we talked everyday, they actually listened to me, they even gave a shit about me, i could count on them for everything. but now, i have no one i can count on to be there 24/7, the person i can call up at 3 am, crying my eyes out, and know that i can tell them everything, and they won't judge me at all. ever since i lost them, nothing ever feels the same. everything reminds me of them. and it feels like nothing i ever do, feels right anymore. maybe i just need to realize that their not coming back, and i just have to keep living my life. hoping that each day is a little bit better.
the worst thing ever is when the person who you trusted would always be by your side, and would never change, changes. it absolutely sucks. &you can't even understand how it feels unless you actually go through it, cause it's so hard. you told me you would never change, too bad that was all a lie. what happened to all those late night conversations, or those long phone calls that ended with "your my best friend, i love you." everythings changing, and im terrified. i want things to go back to the way they used to be; between you and me. it sucks when someone you know, becomes someone you knew. yeah, we still talk, but its different. &it scares me that maybe we will never go back to the way we used to be. you were the only person i could ever be myself around, and then you just decide to change and replace me with another girl? alright, i don't even know what to say to you anymore. your not the same. you say that i've changed, but in reality, you have. what happened to the guy that was always supposed to be there? or the guy who said we were best friends and always will be? i can't pin point when this all started, but it kills me everyday knowing that nothings the same anymore. you pick fights with me constantly, over nothing. and you have no idea how much that hurts cause im afraid you'll just be like, "fuck it. fuck you. fuck everything." and just be done with me. yes, i know some of your "best friends" will end up leaving you, but i honestly didn't think you would be the one to do this to me. thanks "best friend."
I AM DONE. there's nothing more left for me to do. yes, i would like some closure or something like that. but i can't keep dooing this to myself. i can't keep caring about someone who doesnt give a fuck about me. if your gonna pick her over me, that's fine with me. but do NOT lead me on. don't tell me you love me, then coutinue to pick her every single time. i'm not gonna be one of those girls that are like "i hope you two don't last." because honestly, i want you both to be happy. &if that's with each other, then that's something that i have to deal with. but if your not gonna care about me now, then don't expect me to care about you when you actually need me, and realize, "wow, that girl actually did love me." but just remember, when you actually figure that out, i won't be there anymore.
